Its just over 3 weeks since Mom passed away. I never really understood grief until now. When my Dad passed away I felt sad for a few days. But Mom was still there. Her words and actions in a way prescribed how we felt about his death. So it was easier then. Fifteen years ago.

Now I am in tears constantly. Having this brave face to the world. But there are moments when you don’t expect, that you feel broken and sorrowful. You cannot describe or explain it. You don’t know where it comes from. You just breakdown and cry. Other days you just burst out laughing as you remember something she has said. I am writing this as a way to deal with my grief.

Should I be asked to describe my Mom, my view would be different from each of my siblings. I experienced her life and love differently to them. Given my life journey. Each of us had our own life journeys and things we shared with her. But then again there are similarities in her actions among all of us.

1. She was the CEO of household chores. We remember getting chores before even starting grade 1. Whether it was setting the table or drying the dishes. There was only one way of doing it. Her way. But you learnt to do things right. No half baked jobs on anything.

2. She was an excellent Cook, but more than that, a trainer. She taught us how to cook and bake. A skill we carry with us to this day. We were always willing an able assistants when it came to cookies and cakes. Not so much cooking dinner.

3. She was industrious. Supporting the household income for the little luxuries which my dad’s salary could not afford. Knitting cardigans and jerseys on her Janome knitting machine will always come to mind. She would knit the different parts during the day and sew them together at night. Hence the reason we had to cook! Doing plant decorations with my brother was another oulet for her to express this quality. She just had to do something!

4. She had a great passion for gardening. She lived it, breathed it and killed millions of snails who got in her way. Right till the end she was always thinking about her garden. It was HER garden. The way she wanted it. She could always visualize how spring would be based on her preparation during autumn and winter.

5. She took us on holiday on money she saved throughout the year. Strandfontein was not the best place 50 years ago. It was often windy and the sea water cold. But it got us out of the house once a year.

6. As we grew older she become a backer. Someone who sometimes pushes you into a venture that was often just a thought. Sometimes she was wrong. Wasted her money but she was willing to risk that. One had to make progress.

7. She was obsessed with reading and education. She always said that our education is our inheritance. It is my motto as well. For someone that had minimal education, who equipped herself to read well, she was always talking about this to her grandchildren. Often irritating them.

8. Presentation is important. Whenever Mom had to go out somewhere, whether to the shop, hospital or visiting. She always insisted on dressing modestly well. Putting on make up etc. She never wanted to look old and haggard. Age was not an excuse not to look presentable.

9. Magnanimous is an educated word for mother. Mom taught me that generosity is never about sharing your abundance, but sharing what was shareable. This could be two cookies, a slice of cake, some leftover meal, a towel, an unwanted gift, a plant cutting, a book, even a recipe. The list is endless. You often left with a something in a shopping bag. Often these gifts were accompanied by a lecture or a scolding.

10. In an alternate universe she would have been a Superhero. She was a rescuer by nature. A mother’s flaw. When sharing a problem or simply venting, she would want to provide and sometimes, be the solution. A solution we weren’t always looking for. She would stick with you for the duration of the problem, till some finality is reached. In that way she was better than a Superhero.

I feel better after writing this. I have a bit of a smile. There is much more to say, but this what comes to mind today.

I cherish those memories and times when we had three hour long phone calls. Often the things said were repeated the previous week.

So in case you wonder why I am doing many crazy, adventurous and challenging things. Blame my mother she raised me well and instilled all these values in me.

I miss you Mom. Thanks for all your sacrifices, patience, and love that you showed practically your whole life.